68% on bone exam.

to be honest, I expected an actual fail.
Of course, in my standards, this is failing, but its a high failing grade. My anatomy grade shouldn't go down all that much.

I'll be studying harder for this practicum. Its actually really really hard...
I know 6 bones + their bone marking out of a lot. I should speed myself up. Open lab, yes?

I made a new friend today. She and I seem to be on the same track for nursing.
She's been going through a lot the passed few days, so I gave her a hug.

I bought my Disneyland trick-or-treat thing. Halloween night. Yes. This should be fun. I think.
...That also happens to be Aaron's birthday too... (.__________.)
How the hell am I going to coordinate with all this? @__@

1. I should've studied more Anatomy.
What happened: I flipped out and couldn't let anything get into my head. All in my head was that problem.
2. I should've studied for Sociology
What happened: I didn't. I ended up being late to that class. This is supposed to be my easy A class. I need to study and keep up. Need to work harder.
3. I keep thinking there is not enough time.
What happened: I ended up freaking out. For some reason I keep myself on the laptop when I should be studying. Like right now; I should be studying, but I'm not. Let me finish. There will always be enough time. Open lab: Friday and Saturday. I will go. And I will study. I will study. I will study.
4. Did he call?
What happened: He didn't, but instead we video chatted for the first time. Although he left me hanging last night, it doesn't matter. I have an away message, and it is up to him if he has the time. I sort of do, but school comes first. I have to keep my priorities straight. School, then him. School, then him.
5. I think I failed my Anatomy test #2
What happened: WELL DUH. THAT WAS A FUCKING HARD TEST.

Marco?

This bipolar feeling needs to stop.

You talk to people on facebook more than you talked to me.
and I stayed up this time.

I keep thinking about you when I don't want to.

It didn't hit me that he wasn't here on Friday and that I couldn't go see him.
I kept the mentality that he was not in Torrance anymore.
I guess it helped. It didn't hit me like a ton of bricks. Just a sharp pain as I keep remembering each day. It's okie.
Also, I think it was because I had fun the night before.
I, now, know how a guy feels when he goes to pick up a girl on a date.
Except, I'm not a guy and I wasn't going on a date. I was just picking up Nigel.
El Segundo is a beautiful city. I think Nigel and I will explore it more when we have time. It's amazing. It reminds me of a small town. And El Segundo High School (I remember). Nigel thought it was a private school.
Yes. One day, we will come back and see more of it.

Surrounded by people.
Physically not alone.
Emotionally? Mentally? Feels like it.
Sure, why not.
I don't like the feeling.
Small talk by texting here and there.
I love yous over the internet.
Is it wrong to feel that sometimes it feels...meaningless?
He sounds a little distant.
Oh goodness, it's over the internet. How I would know?
Does he still care?
I have no idea.
No call.
Hurts? Yeah.
Should I call?
Maybe not.
He said he would...
And yet I'm still waiting...
Maybe I'm over thinking it all together.
I would be nice to call once in a while, right?
Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow.
I promised mysef that I would give him some room.
Indeed, I will.
Best not to. After all, I do have an exam on Monday.
It would be a shame to fail this exam, so let's try not to.
Right....72% in the class.
To be honest, I think I'm getting a better grade in my other 3 classes.
Need to study hard if you're going to strive to get that B.
After all, Physio is going to be worse.
Don't remind me...

Labels: anatomy, Kat, lonely, Rina, stream of consciousness

"It’s like what one of those Middle West poets said: ... You’ve got to love life to have life, and you’ve got to have life to love life…It’s what they call a vicious circle (II.26)."
--Thorton Wilder, Our Town

I don't think I will ever have the guts to actually start dancing like that in a bank, but its a nice little thought.
Breaking social norms I guess. Hopefully get a good sanction instead of a bad. LOL I'm learning from Sociology wow.
I bought the Alice dress from my friend.
It didn't fit, so I cut the bottom part, and now it's a skirt.

I feel bad that I payed a lot of money for the dress (and apparently, its a Lolita brand? I think I broke a taboo), but I think I'm putting it to good use. Now I can be Alice all year round LOL.
(i'm using a stapler to hem my skirt? Oh wow).

The intro sounds like something by Maroon 5. Then it started getting all slow and stuff.
Needless to day, I really like this song.
Hell, I love The Resistance.
Thanks, Abi.

And I will.

Kat: *through text* My car had laser beams this morning.
Darin: *through text* Look to your left
Kat: *looks left* DARIN!!!

You have no idea how much I missed him.

I finally watched the movie.
Abi showed it to me and I watched instead of reading Anatomy. (Wow, I need a lot of time to work with this...)
It was a wonderful movie. Told from a different perspective. Kind of makes you wonder if guys really think like that when a girl breaks up with him. I hope not. I don't know how one guy could have a meal of Twinkies, orange juice and Jack Daniels for 24 days. Really (lol, Abi). It had its moments that made me cringe, laugh, smile and cry. Cried a lot during that movie. The movie got me thinking a lot though. The two never said a single "I love you" to each other, and yet there was that mutual feeling and intesity. I want to say that this movie is different, I can't explain how. It's not a romantic comedy. There was no real happy ending, but there was hope. This movie was something different.

Highlight if you dare:
I want to break plates. I think when tom started breaking plates in the beginning, it kind of spells out a whole knew meaning of "NO, I'M NOT OKAY". Golly, I wish I could break plates like that. Though, it wouldn't be so fun cleaning up right after that. I can't help but cry on some parts. For instance, the part when Tom sees Summer's engagement ring. It was heartbreaking. The feeling couldn't be helped and I cried. The whole expectations and reality stuff was actually quite inetersting. Observing a lot of it made sense why the director/writer did something like that. I think I might draw something like that. Hm. Another part I cried on was when Summer and Tom were talking to each other at his favorite spot. That whole conversation, and when she that "She was finally sure what she wanted"
Tom: "And that was?"
Summer: "What I wasn't sure with you"
I'm only imagining how Tom feels when she said those words. An instant break of the heart and pain in the chest I presume. Poor guy...I want to say I related to how he feels considering the whole bipolar "I love her, I HATE HER" moments. It makes sense. It gives comfort to me to know that is slightly normal. Just slightly. Breaking plates? Maybe not, but it woudn't hurt to try.

The movie really had me thinking about meeting "the one" or whatever. Coincidence, chance, serendipity. It all can happen, I think. I don't know. I thought I could explain myself better, but apparently not.

Btw: Horray for younger siblings.

I've been listening to an old song that I haven't heard since the 6th grade. I completely forgot that it was a sad break up song. I started thinking about the song along with (5OO) Days of Summer. It sort of connects in a way, but at the same time, it doesn't. Connects? Another guy's point of view! I just think the (5OO) Days of Summer's Tom is more practical and human. The song has a human feeling too, but it seems so unlikely sometimes...I don't know, maybe that is just mean. Doesn't connect? Like I said before, they two never said a single "I love you" to each other. in "Baby Girl", there's a line there "why don't you love me anymore" and "And all i can think about is you /the way you say you love me too". I'm not sure what to say anymore. I'll edit when more ideas start coming along. I keep forgetting how heartbreaking this song is. I'll make note of it .

Kevin: *takes Mickey and Minnie Pin*
Kat: ?
Kevin: *stares at it and looks at Kat for a little bit then back at the pin*
Kat: ? What Kev?
Kevin: *pause*...this is adorable.

There are way too many bones in the human body...at least in my opinion. I mean, I'm grateful that I have a body where my bones are semi-hollow and can move perfectly fine (sort of. Some parts don't be like others do for obviously reasons). But not only do I have to memorize the bones, but I have to memorize the BONE MARKINGS. We went through the skull today and my poor brain kept pulsing. I can only imagine what I have to go through with the rest of the body. Once again...I think I'll go read after I send this entry away.

I'm very excited for Thursday. My History teacher is offering his classes extra credit. The assignment is to go to see a silent film at the old movie theater in El Segundo. The movie ticket is $7, the popcorn is $2 and the soda/water is only $1. To be honest, I haven't seen those prices before just for a movie. It's a steal, I tell you. What kind of movie theater let's these prices go so cheap? Certainly not AMC, am I right? I haven't been to an actual theater that does this whole this with silent movies. I've only seen "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", which is an old silent movie I watched on Encore. I didn't watch the entire movie, only because I had something to attend to, but the movie made me late anyway. The movie I will be viewing is called "Double Indemity". My teacher said it's a great noir film. I adore noir films only because it gives off that old nostalgia feeling of how things used to be so corrupt. I love the intensity of those films and how black and white give a way more dramatic effect that color (which is why I prefer black and white pictures as opposed to color. But either way, I still like both styles). I await how this will turn out. Nigel and I will be going together because I fear for my life going myself (thank you Nigel). I told him I'll drive and he could take the next movie for Extra Credit, which will be viewing on October 29th at the same location. "Halloween Spookakular" says my teacher. He says we could dress up in costume and stuff. Still want to pull off that modern, non-skanky, Little Red Riding Hood costume. Eventually, I think I will. If I find a better Alice costume that is actually ALICE, NOT SKANKY ALICE, then nevermind. Storybook characters are fun to modernize...with more clothing of course. I digress. Maybe something like this will help me get my brain on track again, considering it took me 2.5 hours into Anatomy to fully be alert on what I was learning. It was pretty bad. I don't want to go through with that again. Thus, I'm very excited to go see a movie this Thursday night and stay out a little passed my curfew.

I'm wondering how I am going to be able to fit time into going to these historical sites with Nigel. This is a for a grade, after all (and the best way to get a grade, seriously). Let alone, I'm not sure how I am supposed to fit in time for just about everyone and everything. I hate how Anatomy works.

I have a bunch of frames here. I should consider printing my photos at Target so I could use them. Just one problem...where do you put 15 frames???

I should go study now. I think some quality time with my Anatomy book with help me feel a little better.

...Did I mention I got a 74% on my first Anatomy lecture exam? I expected worse. I think I'll do better on the next lecture exam though. Going to have read a lot for this lol :| ...

My life as a social being ends as we speak.

There are too many spider webs in my room O_O;;

Song is on repeat.

Bad dreams like to wake me up.

9.19:
I keep thinking today as the day he moves rather than our 15 months together. Goes to show how much I've been anticipating today. It doesn't feel any different. Its just like any weekend, I guess. I think it'll hit harder this coming Friday or something. I guess I'll wait for it.

Its a mixture of feelings that I can't find a perfect word for it. A little confused, a little sad, at the same time happy for him, and anxious as I await for his return. I'm wondering if this is how my dad felt every time my mom left to go back to the States.

I visited him twice yesterday. First one was planned, the second one was by sheer coincidence and luck. It was awkward the first time I saw him. I was never the kind of person that would go to someone's front door and ring the door bell. So instead of being normal and acting casual and standing in front of the door, I stared at the black gate. Once again, I don't know what is wrong with me and front doors. I get all anxious, but I digress... We sat in front of his house just talking.
He bought be a black bracelet from Hawaii. Its simple with a ribbon on it. I like it
A few awkward moments and silences.
*cue monologue*
What do you say to someone who is leaving?
It was harder than I thought.
But I've done this before.
This is different. Every goodbye is different.
Then why does it hurt? Why is this so hard?
It was hard to say good bye to Jordan.
It was hard to say good bye to Scott.
It was hard to say good bye to Brent.
It was hard to say good bye to Fabian.
You know it was fucking hard to say goodbye to your band friends when you were leaving them behind (2nd family).
It was hard to say good bye to Livia.
Right now, its hard to say good bye to him.
*end monologue*
I knew I wanted to say more, but for some reason couldn't.
I was off the hook from whatever I was going to tell him (those of you who know me, yes.)
The good bye took longer than expected.
Aaron: Feet...cemented to...ground.
Kat: *push* How about now?
Aaron: Feet...cemented to...new...ground.
He tells me "See you later", but I don't respond with anything. Once again, how do you even say good bye?
The moment I sat in my car, I started to cry. I didn't know even understand why I was crying, I just was.

Time gap: I picked up my brother from home, and took him to Yogurtland. It was first time going there, and I must say, it was just like pinkberry but cheaper lol. So I drowned myself in yogurt for a while, then dropped Kevin off to practice. After that, I proceeded to drive myself to my lightbox appointment. Didn't get into the lightbox until 4:30. He texted me a lot whiel I was dirving (GASP! TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!!! first time too :| )And for some reason, he was able to get out of the house. So I rushed over to where he lives, and picked him up.

2nd chance: There was a sense of relief coming from me. I got to see him one more time before he left (but then again, he's only 2.5 hours away from here =_=; ). We talked a lot more, and gave me something else. I put it on my "broken" necklace because I was afraid it would get lost. (Why is it broken? Because my locket on it will open at the weirdest times, and the key that found a long time ago is bent. BROKEN!). There was a small silence as out foreheads touched. He asked me what I was thinking. I told him " I wish that he wasn't going so far, but at the same time I'm very happy for him. I'm just scared I will not have enough time for you". It breaks me in half to say that because I have to put school as first priority. He says he understands. He said he would come back every other week. Still not sure if I could see him. No more going behind my parents' back for this kind of stuff. We part once more, as he tells me "See you later" again, and this time i reply back with a "Good bye for now".
I didn't cry when he got out of the car, although I did get teary eyed.
In the back of my mind, I make a mental note, telling myself, "Its okie. I'll see him again soon".

--

As of right now, I'm trying to do EVERYTHING to avoid how I feel. This will be a busy week for sure. Nigel and I have that movie thing that we need to do for History. I guess you can say I am excited. I'll do my best to enjoy that extra credit thing anyway. It'll hit me when Friday comes along. It will hit me like a ton of bricks.

...I'm praying not literally though.

"I didn't know it would be this hard to say goodbye"
"Same here"
"Now I know what everyone is talking about..."

on the bright side this: He will be back.

No more anticipation.
I don't care anymore.

Bottle of wine that hadn't been opened yet
We forgot about it while you were here
And a string of blinking lights
That can now be put away

And it's almost midnight here
We're all about to ring in
A new year, a new year
And I won't call you for another hour
One more hour
Cause it's your time somewhere

It happens all over again
All over again
All over again
All over again

Just a couple more days 'til I fly away
From this lovely place
My short lived home
Saying goodbye is much easier now
Looking forward to a bitter cold

And it's almost time to land
The city's changed as much as a small city can
But change isn't why I'm coming back
It's your familiar life where it happens

All over again
All over again

Saying goodbye is so much easier now
Looking forward to a bitter cold

And it's almost time to land
The city's changed as much as a small city can
But change isn't why I'm coming back
It's your familiar life where it happens

All over again
All over again
All over again
All over again
All over again
All over again
All over again
All over again
--
I can't dissect this song.
I listened to this song on repeat when he was in Florida.
The song brought me comfort during his absence.
As well in a lot of disappointments.
It'll be on repeat again for a while.
in the voice of the Joker...
"And here we go"














I'm not ready for this.

For the longest time, I wanted to be an Asian Alice from Alice in Wonderland, but I couldn't find a decent on that was skanified, let alone one that actually had my size. I had a few things, but it didn't look anything what I wanted. Eventually, when I have time, I think I'll just go with Lolita for the Alice Costume.

Now I'm just doing everything "modern". Like, my modern Jedi, modern Chinese warrior, and now I am going to do a modern Little Red Ridding Hood. Problem is finding that riding hood she wears. Of course, I could totally use my red sweater, but wheres the fun in that? I'll just look like a typical teenager. That is why I need the riding hood! now, there are way too many...skanky looking ones. Ones that are too short and have to come with a costume ~_~; this will be tough...

(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To by Weezer

The moon was shining on the lake at night
The Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right
Through smeared mascara, I looked into your eyes, I saw a light
You told me stories about your chickadees
They didn't like BB guns or stupid archery
John the lifeguard, he let them use the pool all day for free

Then the conversation stopped, and I looked down at my feet
I was next to you and you were right there next to me
Then I said Girl!
If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to
So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night

The rest of the summer was the best we ever had
We watched Titanic, and it didn't make us sad
I took you to Best Buy, you took me home to meet your Mom and Dad
Your Mom cooked meatloaf even though I don't eat meat
I dug you so much, I took some for the team
Your dad was silent, his eyes were fixed on what was on TV

Then the conversation stopped, and I looked down at the ring
Your folks were next to you, and you were right there next to me
Then I said Girl!
If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it's true (I swear it's true) without you, my heart is blue
Girl!
If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to
So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night

So much pain may come our way
There may come a day when we have nothing left to say
When the conversation stops, and we're facing our defeat
I'll be next to you and you'll be right there next to me

Then I'll say go!
If you're wondering if I want you, (I want you to) I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it's true (I swear it's true) without you, my heart is blue
Girl!
If you're wondering if I want you (I want you to) I want you to
So make a move, (Make a move) 'cos I ain't got all night
--
This song is so catchy and bright. I love it lol. Its a kind of a song that I would love to sing in the car hahaha. If the lyrics were different, but they still kept the same rhythm and sound, it would sound like a beginning of a movie. But that is just me :) . Their new album comes out on my birthday! I will love you forever if you buy me that album! HAHAHA i'mkidding.

You'll never know how much I really love you
You'll never know how much I really care

Listen
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear:
"I'm in love with you..."

I've known a secret for a week or two
Nobody knows
Just we two

Listen
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear:
"I'm in love with you..."
--
I find this song to be very sweet. My brother and I were playing Beatles Rock Band, and I ended up singing this song while he played the drums. We stopped to think about the song. My brother said it reminded him of those old school dances and this is played during a slow part. Its cute.

I feel bad. I was in a cranky mood last night. I had a lot on my mind, and I built a wall between us only to protect myself and so I don't have to deal with what is coming up. As we both know, that's coming up. I think the lack of communication made me feel weird to talk to you. Then again, I also didn't text you or anything because I knew you were going to be busy on your trip, and I didn't want to disturb you on your vacation. Courtesy, I guess, as well as putting you before me. It wasn't right for me to be pissed off here, while you were getting wrong idea while we were talking over there. The moment you told me "I love you" after a whole week, I didnt know what to say. A part of me wants to wanted to call you out. Another part of me wanted to cry and sign off and try to study again. And of course, there was that part of me that didn't answer for a while, and pretended that I didn't see right away. It's not that I don't love you--you know that I do. I should stop playing mind reader. I have a really bad idea that since we're together, I would think that you would understand how I feel without even telling you. Bad, mistake. I should've told you that week. I should've told you that maybe you should plan somethings because I feel like I'm the only one working on it here. You have a whole week free, while I don't. It wouldn't hurt to ask me a few days before if I was busy or not. And if I was busy, I'm sure we could've worked out another time to hang out. But I guess it's too late now. You're leaving soon, and if I bring this upon you, I know it will bother you until you come back. I'm giving you a quarter to see what happens.

I don't want to be a Trixie Tang.

"what happens if you fall in love?"
"you don't believe that, do you?"
"what? It's love, it's not Santa Claus"

You know that think I keep complaining about? The whole, " I don't think I'm ready for" ? Yeah.
Last minute realization: It's going to happen anyway, so I should really stop bitching :|

There was a quiz I was constantly studying and complaining about this whole weekend. It turns out that it wasn't so bad. Unfortunately, I will be studying for a lecture exam (Monday) and a lab practicum (Wednesday). Going to study hard and hopefully make it through the week.

One a very vague note: I will name her Vermin from now on.

Do you need to say something to someone?
Yes.

Heres your chance, fess up?
My answer: I don't think he would understand.

Eventually I will answer this correctly. I think.

My dad that I could bring Aaron to the next family thing or whatever. Question is, when will that be? I don't EVER want to bring it up to him because I know he'll give me that look of "HEY. MOVING TOO FAST" and stuff. So it's all on him, I guess.
My brother likes to "complain" (I really think he's trying to make me look bad) that Aaron never met him and he's not making a good impression on him. He's only met him ONCE. Give the poor guy a chance :| ...

I would really like him to meet everyone.
But let's try to take things one step at a time...

Kat: Ugh. I really want to see 5OO days of summer. I heard it was really cute.
Nigel: I didn't get to see that movie either. I don't mind watching a chick flick.
Kat: See, this is what I mean.
Nigel: What are you talking about?
Kat: Nil, you're the guy that every girl wants. I think there is a small percentage of males who like to watch chick flicks who aren't gay.
Nigel: *insert a lot of laughing here*

If I say "psycho", who is the first person that comes to your mind?
LOL I have list of people that fit with that title. too bad I won't name 'em.

Who was the last person to call you and why?
I can't remember.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
I wish. I have school.

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed come see you?
golly, I hope so.

Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed?
Yes, but we were on opposite sides of the gym floor...just to clarify.

So, what are you doing?
I just woke up.

What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
"sdahldskkdjsadkj wtf when did I get a text? ANATOMY"
LOL seriously, thats how it felt like.

Do you think you've ruined your chances with someone?
I'm with someone, but I think I'm ruining it.

Do you think there are circumstances when it's okay to wait for someone?
Yeah.

Where did you sleep last night?
my bed.

Currently wanting anything?
to take my Anatomy my quiz so I can STUDY FOR THE TEST THAT FOLLOWING MONDAY ~_~;

Last time you had a headache and why?
Last night; Anatomy.

If you had to dye your hair a color what color would it be?
black blue, but noo.

If you had to get another piercing (not ears) what would you get?
nowhere!

What's annoying you?
Anatomy.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
I have no idea. I don't plan these things.

If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
HALE NO.

Do you think relationships are hard?
it can be hard.

Honestly, if you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
maybe. Yes.

You're locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
Not at all. I'm sure we're trying to find a way out though.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
not really LOL

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
lol yeah. We were all leaning on each other XD

Would you rather go to California or leave the country?
I'm in California. I wouldn't mind escaping before the whole state catches on fire though

Are you legal to drink?
NOPE

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
I'm not sure.

Would you rather get pregnant at too young an age or never be able to?
....uhhh....

What's stopping you from getting with the person you like?
I have him.

When is the last time you attended a church?
...

How are things between you and the person you like/love?
It's fine.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
...not that many. I try not to.

Do you like to make the first move?
sometimes, but as you can see, I'm not the bold type.

How would you feel if your last ex said he liked someone else?
n/a

Has anyone said you have changed lately?
lol no

Have you ever been caught skipping class?
LOL no

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
nope

Do you ever curse in front of your parents?
nope.

Have you ever cuddled with someone you weren't dating?
Nope.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
I know he does.

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
Uhm, yes. But it was more like a nap LOL

Six months ago, did you like someone?
Yes

Do you know anyone that smokes weed/or has?
Yes

Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed?
I can't remember ~_~

Sang karaoke?
...Livia from like...2 years ago.

Dated someone more than once?
yes

Have you smoked a cigarette today?
never

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Aaron

Are you missing someone?
no

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
I know I can, but it is not entriely up to meeee

What triggered your last kiss?
not sure LOL We were just saying good bye.

Where is the person who has your heart?
ugh. I hate this question. Okie, let me tell you that my heart in is my chest/Thoracic region of my body. If my heart was OUTSIDE of my body, I wouldn't be TYPING here now would I?!

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
Sunshine Buddy <3

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I'm sure there is. I just don't care.

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
Yes LOL

Where did you get the shirt your wearing?
Wango Tango 2006(?) /shy

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Arette...I think.

Is there someone who has made a difference in your life?
Yes.

When is the last time you cried?
a week ago.

Where do you want to live when you are old?
I have no idea .

It feels nice.

"Wish you were here"
-Nabi

What do you text back??

"I miss you"
_doki

Only three words I could respond back to him when he text that.
Problem is, it does not sum up how I feel. Oh well.


--
"Sweet Disposition" is a song by The Temper Trap. I'm sure everyone has heard of it because of the movie 500 days of summer. I really wish I have watched that movie. I just watched the many previews and the Ikea scenes. Very cute. And it's leading guy was the scrawny kid from 1O things I hate about you!!! The song is pretty fast, and repeats itself, but I can see why it was used in the trailers and stuff. The lyrics are simple and the sound feels very fast like how the world is moving so fast around you, or how your move so fast when you run into your significant other's arms, and the world around you is moving so slow. I don't know, thats how I see i t. Damnit! =_= Here are the lyrics.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap
sweet disposition
never too soon
oh reckless abandon
like no one's
watching you

a moment, a love
a dream aloud
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
a moment, a love
a dream aloud
a moment, a love
a dream aloud

chorus:
so stay there
cause i'll be comin over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop til it's over
won't stop to surrender


songs
of desperation
I
played them for you
a moment, a love
a dream aloud
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
a moment, a love
a dream, aloud
a moment, a love
a dream aloud

k: Do you still want to stay together?
a: What kind of question is that?
k: I was only asking...
--

I'm not ready for this, only because I fear it. I knew from the start that we were going to face some difficulties, and I knew that distance was going to be one of them. I think its because I hear a lot of stories that these sort of things don't work out because the two of your are so far apart. I shouldn't compare my relationship with anyone else's, but you can't help it sometimes. I ask myself, "If Mama and Papa can endure 10 years of letters and visits every two years, how come I can't handle a few months?" He says that he'll try to come one or two weeks interval. He even said he was reserving a day just for me. I felt very bad after that. I mean, its really sweet of him to do that, but I keep thinking about school first. I'm so...scared about this semester, just because its Anatomy and I'm TERRIFIED because its so hard. It took me two days to memorize the human body's anterior regional names, and I haven't even moved onto the posterior, the human cell, and tissue. I still have a long way to go, and I have my first quiz on the first three chapters as well as a quiz on the microscope that day too. Like I said, terrified. I want to put a lot of time into Anatomy. I guess I also don't want to be yelled at for spending way too much time with my significant other. I felt like we didn't maximize our summer time together, even if it was juts once a week for a few hours. Even he said that we don't spend enough time together. In the long run... I know I have to put school first.

There is always something that I have noticed in myself when I'm with him (or even when I was just friends with him) and its that I shouldn't expect a lot from him.

1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
sure, why not.

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Manabat -_-;

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
not really?

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
uhhh I think... blah, I forget. I think Saturday or Sunday. Or Monday.
Who? Livia! I miss her so much!

5. What is your favorite song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAts-W5hY6k
so far LOL

6. What are you doing this weekend?
studying up on Anatomy

7. What are you excited for?
not sure :|...school to end LOL

8. What were you doing yesterday?
School. Home. Brother's football game. Duh.

10. What is the last thing you put in your mouth?
water

11. Have a best friend?
I have more than one

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
Its a bit of half and half. I don't think I'm afraid, but then again, I'm afraid to get hurt. Again. Yes.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
anyone can fall in love. I think.
I totally take that back. I have no idea.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
the guy who tackled my brother on the football field.

15. What time is it right this second?
12:00 PM

16. What do you want right now?
a smile.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I can't remember. I think Arette

18. Are you single/ taken/ heartbroken/ or confused?
taken.

19. When was the last time you cried?
like.. a week ago. Irathernottalkaboutitthankyou

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
its okie. I wish it was better .

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
not really. maybe some people.

22. Do you change your mind a lot?
usually.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
I miss a lot people. I know I'll see them again, but it makes me sad that it won't be a frequent as before.
In other words, YOU CAUGHT ME, SKIPPY.

24. Can you honestly say you are okay right now?
yes

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
I don't know.

26. Tell me what is on your mind?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAts-W5hY6k
tell me what you think about that LOL

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Birthday, and school ending LOL

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
yes?

29. When did you last talk to your number one top friend?
just a few seconds ago.

30. When is your next road trip?
whenever my friends and I decide to go visit Fabian.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
yes

32. How is your heart?
still beating. duh.

33. Have you ever felt like you were not important?
lol yes

34. Is somebody in love with you?
I don't like this question.

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
study a little more of the Anterior Regional Names of the body, so I can finally move on to the Posterior part of the body.

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
maybe when he comes back. Maybe. Or whenever I get to see him again. I don't plan these things, you know.

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yesss

38. Who do you not get along with?
a few people.

39. What does your 3rd recived text message say?
confidential!

40. What are you wearing right now?
pajamas

41. You are locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
slightly awkward. We're prolly trying to find a way out LOL

42. When is the last time you had a grilled cheese?
I can't remember LOL

43. What is your favorite boy and girl name right now?
boy: Maximilian
girl: Coraline/Colette/AJ [some masculine initials to throw everyone off LOL ]

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
sleepy

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Yes. But we all know that won't happen.

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
usually.

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
sleeping

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
KCRQ

49. Who is the first "B" in your contacts?
Becka

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
yesterday...right before my mom stopped talking to me in english.

I'm a sucker for piano and/or string arrangements of popular music.
If you ever want to win my heart, be sure to play piano or some sort of string instrument (I'm kidding).

Not exactly why the musician titled the song ":3" but I thought it was really cute.

I really enjoy this song this guy makes. And I enjoy a lot of his compositions of popular songs as well lol. He is very good. He improvised this song. It sounds really sweet, like, if someone who played piano were to write a song to his or her significant other, this song would be it. Okie, I think I'm done being all mushy and gushy about this.

Even though I barely learned anything in my high school photography class, I still miss the whole process of developing film and pictures. The traditional way, of course. It was a lot of fun, plus it really made you put the time into each photo so you could adjust how you like it. Maybe after this semester, I'll do photography again.
--
I tend to remember a lot of random moments that have occured in my life, especially during high school. I also remember events quite vividly.
For instance. A year of two ago, I was putting my things away from musical rehearsal. My friend, Evan, who was recruiting people to join VK, a drum corp, asked me, "Kitty! What are you doing this weekend?!" because VK had rehearsal that weekend. My excuse was "Disneyland." He asked me what I was doing the next weekend and I said "DISNEYLAND", which was not true at all. I just wanted him to stop asking me because 1) I didn't have the money for it & 2) ...I don't want to march trumpet. I like Tenor, thank you very much.

Another thing I can remember correctly is when we tried to make a new syllable for a count (you know, 1 and 2 and 3 or 1 e and a 2 e and a) so everyone was screaming "WOOT! LETS NAME IT WOOT" and my band teacher asked one of teh alumni that was sitting in, and he said to name it "quad". The Mr. A just said to call it "ti". ...

Or when Aaron was playing around with my graphing calculator, and typed "HI CAT", mispelling me name. I proceeded to get mad, chided him and told him "NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN". The poor guy was speechless as the moment went by so fast.

You know, I have no idea where I am going with these.

Its coming closer.
Problem is, I'm not ready for it.