I just finished watching Paprika with my brother. I liked the movie a lot, and my mind went for quite a trip there. I just downloaded the soundtrack too. I love the opening song! It's really refreshing to hear something new.

Speaking of music, very few people don't think I listen to English songs just because I listen to a lot of Kpop. Let it be known... I grew up here... and I love Yellowcard, The Calling, MCR and Queen. Not everything I listen to is not in Korean! Sheeeesh.

But yeah, good movie! :D

I keep calling it a leap of faith. I don't know why I make it so dramatic. Maybe I just do because I'm a human (as my Philosophy teacher would say, "We humans love the drama!"). I guess it's sort of a big deal to me because... it is breaking all the rules I had set up for myself. If my friend were here to hear me say that, he would jokingly call it my "Kat protocol."

Yes, my protocol.

I have one.

As disorganized as I am, and I know I break/bend the rules (lol...bend them..bend....), this is the only structured thing in my life next to sentence formulas for Japanese. If it doesn't follow these steps, I start to go crazy. This is the first time in my life that this is happening, and I'm scared. I'm scared because this is totally out of my comfort zone and against my protocol (which is practically everything I set for myself).

I've been wondering if it's worth to break everything that I've known. If this "leap of faith" is something worth for me to try.

I blame him for this because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't being putting so much consideration for this.

Curse these feelings :| damn my feelings. damn it all.

....boysareweird.

Labels: anxiety, my feelings are real, oh God help me, panic mode, personal, scared, stream of consciousness, vent

I always had this anxiety when I am standing in front of someone's door. It doesn't matter what door it is, and who is on the other side, I always get these swarms of butterflies in my stomach, and they can't seem to fly in one direction. It's happened a lot of the times. I have always anchored myself in front of the door and I would stare at the knob, and every little swirling detail from the bottom of the door, through the obscured glass, and the 4x4 header above. This happens a lot, especially at friend's house. To those of you who's house I have been to, yes, this is what I do . I would stand there and stare at the door for a good 2 minutes until I can finally work up the courage to ring the door bell. This isn't normal, is it?

No, I don't think I am afraid of doors, I just find doors uncomfortable.
There's something wrong, isn't there?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Labels: anxiety, doors, my feelings are real, stream of consciousness