I have a strange feeling you like me.

...I'm sorry, but I like your friend .______________.

I don't think a lot of people know that I listen to a wide variety of music besides Kpop. Sure, that's probably all the music I talk about but I don't think anyone takes into account that just maybe I could be listening to something else. Like, right now. All the Christmas songs that are playing on the radio, I like that stuff a lot. I think it's because it only comes once a year.

I wish we could have pretty fairy lights everywhere all year round.
Especially on the trees. Those always get me.

But yeah, music. Sometimes I feel like people make it a competition... like, "were you there when they first started?"

Big fucking woop for you man. You've been there since they have started. You want a medal or something? Just because it's no longer underground, you don't like it? I'm sorry you can't share.

I don't know :( if you like music, then you like it. It should be bringing people together, not pushing people away.

That awkward moment when you sort of feel like you belong, but at the same time you still have to work to through the steel door just so you can "be" one of them. This exclusivity makes me sad. We don't like it. I guess we're just luck we have each other.

I think I'm at the point where I just want to be left alone sometimes. As much as I love everyone, I just want to be alone sometimes. I wish I had more times to spend with people and have some time to myself. I guess I can experience this whole "vacation days" while I'm off.

Sometimes, I wish I was better off not knowing. I wish I wasn't in the middle and I wish everyone could just get along.

Respect isn't there.

Maybe this entire thing is a complete joke. It's a joke and no one is laughing.

I miss my creative outlets so much. I feel empty and sluggish without 'em. Going to need some serious flute time when finals are done.

I need to sleep. I have service marathon tomorrow. Then day 2 of service marathon and the DCM.

Some nights, I don't know anymore.

Yesterday, I got to see my niece and nephews and got a chance to play with them. I got to relive my childhood with my brother as we played heart and soul on the piano. Then I taught him the transition from heart and soul to twinkle twinkle little star.

I just finished watching Paprika with my brother. I liked the movie a lot, and my mind went for quite a trip there. I just downloaded the soundtrack too. I love the opening song! It's really refreshing to hear something new.

Speaking of music, very few people don't think I listen to English songs just because I listen to a lot of Kpop. Let it be known... I grew up here... and I love Yellowcard, The Calling, MCR and Queen. Not everything I listen to is not in Korean! Sheeeesh.

But yeah, good movie! :D

I keep calling it a leap of faith. I don't know why I make it so dramatic. Maybe I just do because I'm a human (as my Philosophy teacher would say, "We humans love the drama!"). I guess it's sort of a big deal to me because... it is breaking all the rules I had set up for myself. If my friend were here to hear me say that, he would jokingly call it my "Kat protocol."

Yes, my protocol.

I have one.

As disorganized as I am, and I know I break/bend the rules (lol...bend them..bend....), this is the only structured thing in my life next to sentence formulas for Japanese. If it doesn't follow these steps, I start to go crazy. This is the first time in my life that this is happening, and I'm scared. I'm scared because this is totally out of my comfort zone and against my protocol (which is practically everything I set for myself).

I've been wondering if it's worth to break everything that I've known. If this "leap of faith" is something worth for me to try.

I blame him for this because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't being putting so much consideration for this.

Curse these feelings :| damn my feelings. damn it all.

....boysareweird.

Labels: anxiety, my feelings are real, oh God help me, panic mode, personal, scared, stream of consciousness, vent

Always wondered how he's doing. Just out of genuine curiosity, but I don't want to unblock him because...well.. I don't know why :|

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It's going to be another long night.

BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE-- oh God, I think One Direction is growing on me. This can't be good HAAAAAAH...

I have an Oral Presentation to do for Chinese tomorrow. I hate these presentations because I'm terrible at speaking in Mandarin. I practice, but I keep getting it wrong. I rely too much on Pinyin to help me pronounce this. Hanzi only helps when I'm writing sentences. I sound like a 2 year old trying to talk. Then again, maybe that's how it's supposed to be since I'm 21 and I'm starting to learn a new language that won't sink in. hoo-fucking-ray.

A bunch of us were on Google+ last night. I guess you can call it a study session? I don't think I really started working until 11:30. Lots of weird things we say in the wee small hours of the morning. Everyone was in different areas-- it was pretty cool and...semi-productive lol. I clocked out a little bit before 5 only to find myself asleep and waking up at 10:00 AM. My class starts at 10:30 AM and I still had to print out everything LOL omg this morning was a complete failure.

Okie the caffeine is kicking in right now. I'm feeling all jumpy and semi-productive.