Wednesday, January 13, 2010
For those of you who do not know me personally or at all, I take pictures. When I am not taking pictures (or studying), I am looking through pictures. It doesn't matter if they're my old pictures or somebody else's gallery, I have to be looking through them. I guess it is a sense of inspiration. Especially when I am looking through my old pictures, I tend to look at how much FUN it was to capture those moments. My cousin calls me the "Queen of Candids" because of the pictures I I take are so midaction or give the feeling of "Wtf? when did you take this?". To be honest I love getting that question. "When did you take this?".

I'm currently cleaning out my flickr account that I had ever since yahoo changed from yahoo photos to flickr. Not fair, right? I had allll my pictures there. It helped for a while until I had my own gallery. As I'm deleting the first 600 or so pictures, I saw the other pictures that I have taken during high school. Amature, yes. I didn't know a THING about photography. All I did was point and shoot. The best tactic with anything, sure. I, personally, call it "aim and fire" but yeah. I stopped using that because it gave people the wrong idea. At least it isn't "shoot & capture"...

To look and delete those pictures would break me in half more than it did with the first 600 pictures. why Why WHy WHY. I don't know why. Within those 6OO was a set of 74 pictures with Aaron and I and I deleted them. think it was more because I know I have them on file here, in my lappy, so I didn't need to worry. But I guess when I started deleteing things that I knew that I had 'em backed up, but still loved, it became more painful to detele. I think I just answered my own question. Wonderful. It bothers me. The fact that those pictures were taken during high school. My fun times, without having a care in the world and just living. Or, at least that's how I saw it during the time. We all looked so young, just taking picture after picture and laughing at every joke. It almost sounds like "Sweet Disposition" by the Temper Trap. My friends. My very dear and best friends. A group of us. Before we all started breaking apart and going our seperate ways. Before anatomy, college applications, and relationships. Before we started drifting further apart. I'm confused. I should be fine the fact that I still get to see them. Maybe I feel weird saying this. I love them all dearly. But... why do I feel like something is wrong? It's almost that same feeling I had when I didn't really talk to my elementary/middle school group for a while (I went a Catholic school for 9 years. I had the best friend and same group of friends for 9 years). It seems like it has switched or something. I am very well aware that feelings are not complete fact, but I can not help how I feel. I don't know. I think I'm overthinking again. It will pass.

Pictures from end 2005 to end 2006 are precious to me.
These pictures were what used to be before everything in my life, family and friends, started to change.

So what now with Photography? Two years later, during my seniory year, I took a photography class. Fun, yes. I got to take & develop pictures traditionally. It was great. But nowadays, its just seems like a chore or maybe I am trying to hard to be a photographer by establishing photoshoots.Pose here. Take a picture here. Smile for the camera. It seems like if I'm not in a certain setting, I start to resist. Like, if I'm forced to. I think part of me also resists on becoming a professional. And I just realize, I redeemed that setting during my Family's Christmas party. The best setting to be in since...2005.

I'm here again. I'm sitting with 5 cameras I have owned through the years. My old automatic film camera made by Olympus. I remember asking for one, and for my grandmother to be cured from cancer. I was in the 6th grade and I only got the camera. My 8.1 Sony Cybershot with a cracked screen and a missing battery charger. I got that during my junior year of high school. My Canon 40D EOS. The camera I should be using more, but refuse until I get a smaller lens. Or...unless there's a big family party. It's a big hit, if people know how to use it. The boys (Kevin, Mark and Cano) love the sports mode. I now have a Nikon Coolpix (I forgot what model) that is 10.0 megapixle. I got this for Christmas, and I wasn't even asking for a camera. I wanted a new lens (which I am saving for now...). Mama bought it for me and said she got it for a great price. I looked at it. It's red and very thin. I'm just afraid if I drop it, it will break. Even though I have a new camera, I still remain faithful to my old 7.2 Megapixle Sony Cybershot. It was never personally given to me. It was the "family's digital camera" but I wanted to bring it everywhere. And I did. It fell from many heights, it survived water damage. Hell, if I press down halfway, the screen makes these weird lines. Old, yes, but it has been extremely reliable. Everyone knew it as "my camera". It has been there with me since 2004. It was bought for $200 or so. I'll try out the Nikon, but I'm not giving up that Sony until it dies.

With less figurative language, I shall ease the weird tenseness.
Which reminds me, I have to keep up with Hetalia.



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posted by Kat at 12:55 AM |