I hate funerals.
Funerals open up a lid that I tried to close for so long.
I walked into Nativity church with Nigel and Krisette. We saw so many familiar faces that we had no idea where to start. We wanted to say hi to everyone, but that had to wait. I sat in my pew, being greeted by people, and reunited with my second grade teacher and her daughter. I remember them well. I watched as the church began to fill up slowly, everyone trying to find a seat to attend. Everyone greeting each other, and giving their condolences. The nostalgia began to fill up the church as visions of old memories flooded into my head. I remembered where I sat when I was in the first grade, and where I sat when I graduated. I remember many masses as we gathered to one whole school to celebrate God, untied under one church. It gave me a headache and brought back nightmares. Funny how things change when time passes by. Today, we were gathered as one school, one family, once again, to celebrate the life of a very dear asset to the Nativty family; her name was Toni Sablan. Mrs. Sablan. I remember her very well. I remember how she remembered me ever since kindergarten until 8th grade and greeted us with a smile. She kept an eye out for us on the playground, blew whistles when lunch was done, and benched us when we we being sabad. She wasn't supposed to die now. No. She had a whole life ahead of her. She shouldn't have died so soon.

The choir began to sing, and I remembered the song. The hymn. It was...heart breaking. I watched the Sablan men march down the aisle with heads hung low and with pain, trying to fight back tears as they pushed the casket to the steps of the altar. The lip was slowly leaking, and so were my eyes. To think, 10 years ago she was yelling at us for playing too rough and greeting us when we were checking out books from the library. I regret not visiting to say hi to her. I'm sure she would've remembered us. When communion came around, we all walked up the altar to receive the body of Christ. What I wasn't expecting was to greet the casket as well. The ivory casket standing before me and it broke me in half. After receieving the body of Christ, I quickly walked back to my seat and sat down and cried.

The mass went by quick, which was unexpected. Mrs. Sablan's brother gave a eulogy, that was a bit uplifting. It was very well prepared eulogy, and how he described her was accurate (well, duh, that's the brother. stupid me). The mass ended and I watched the Sablan men go down the aisle again. One person in particular, that I remember, was her son David. I remember him, although I knew he didn't remember me. He was in an older grade than my class way back in nativity, so we obviously didn't talk. He looked so melancholy, morose, in such grief and other words I can not type down at the moment because I can't remember. Just watching him on the side of his mother's casket, pushing it and tuck it into the hearse. I wonder how he is able to hold back those tears as he walked down that path. I give my condolences to him and his family.

After the funeral, it was a sudden reunion. Everyone greeted everyone. I'm sure my mom is going to hear from one parent that they saw me at the funeral (she doesn't know I went...). I saw some of my grade school teachers, and still addressing them by their respective names. They look at us so stunned because how we all grew up. The feeling was overwhelming, but it was nice to see everyone. Or, how Mr. R, my 6th, 7th and 8th grade teacher said, "It's like a little Nativity Reunion, but we need it in a more happier time". Very true.

Mrs. Sablan was a wonderful woman. May God take her into his kingdom of enternal life.
We love you, Mrs. Sablan. You will be dearly missed.