Thursday, October 15, 2009
Anatomical terms.
Lines under eyes.
your bollus becomes chyme when it hits the stomach.
Or was it small intestine?
The zygomaticus is one muscle that helps you smile.
nothing is adding up .

I took, what was barely, a 10 minute nap. I woke up, and was suddenly wide awake and I felt like I could do anything. Well, not anything. I couldn't go back to sleep. So what did I do? I started my sociology extra credit that is due on friday before the test. I finished 2/3 parts to it. I don't like outlines all that much. I'm not sure what is fueling me to do so much right now. I was to say it has something to with my emotions, or maybe my neurons have been haywired. I'm trying to figure out WHY. It feels weird, and I don't feel like myself.

I was talking to my brother and what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. His choice of occupation was interesting, which I enjoy about him. He picks something he wants, and he strives to get it. Sometimes. Just sometimes. I envy how apathetic and laid-back my brother can be. Then again, his apathy gets him into trouble. I started talking to him on why I switched to nursing and why didn't play music anymore. To be completely honest, it wasn't something i was ready to give up. Why did I give it up? I had to keep my parents happy. No more "distractions". No more "interferences with school". Nothing. Just, study study study. It was like unstitching my heart and pulling off the pieces, painful and slow. I told my brother that I missed the oboe, trumpet, tenor sax, clarinet, and other instruments that I called "mine". Those instruments I didn't own, but I knew how to play. It was something I loved and held close, and I had to let it go. Did I have to? No, I didn't. But I did anyway. I was upset. Mother always telling me the difference between talent and passion. Is she implying that I have no talent? Father is a walking contridiction, telling me to focus on studies, then telling me "why don't you major in music?". Ripped me apart. I hated it when he asked me that. Hated hated hated. I wanted to rip out his colon and hang him with it. Oops, was that too graphic? sorry...

I feel like not a lot of people understand where I am coming from with this... a lot of people I know, their parents encourage them. I lack that in my household and I feel like I can supply myself with enough confidence. Being put down a lot as a child and still being put down. I know I love my family, its just sometimes, encouragement would be nice.

I've become dependent to my parents, but I don't want that anymore...
posted by Kat at 1:12 AM |