Saturday, October 2, 2010
I gave some of my stuff to my friends. I know if its with them, they'll take good care of it until I figure out what I want to do with them. Unnie has Onew and HeeChul, as well as the box. My maknae brother (not Kevin) will be taking care of Donald Ducky. He didn't give me much material wise, but he didn't give me much to begin with anyway. Sure, he payed for some stuff, but it giving wise, I was always giving. Hm.

After being up for 48 hours, I finally went to sleep. Hard to believe that after not sleeping, I was the most awake I have ever been in class. Good for me, I guess? I had some sort of appetite last night, but now I don't have much of one. Still don't feel like eating, but I guess I'll be stuffing my face so my parents won't worry.
I talked to Kevin about it last night. He's one of the few I didn't run to first when I needed someone to talk to. I feel bad, but I had to call Mimi first. He says that he's proud of me that I'm not blaming myself, and that I can finally stop crying over things. He said that I should have saw this coming, which I did, and that to never get back together with him. He's glad that I erased everything of him right now. He also said that if he sees him, he'll take his glasses and break them. I told him that he can do whatever the hell he wants, coz I don't care anymore. As much as I love him and care about him, I will no longer defend him. Which brought me to this:

I defended him when people told me that I could be happier with someone else and I could deserve better. I defended him when people said he wasn't doing enough and saying to me "I don't know how you deal with it." I should have listened, and now I can no long defend him what he has done wrong. And you know what, that's fine with me. I can't guarantee his safety anymore. Whatever happens to him after what happened between him and I, for all I know, he probably deserves it. I hope someone breaks his heart so he knows how it feels, and I feel sorry for the girl he likes. She has no idea what she's going to have to deal with. I just hop at his end, he finally learns a fucking lesson.

The guilt will eat him and I know that. I hope this haunts you for the rest of your life.

Stay away from me. I don't need you anywhere near me. You were everything to me, now you're nothing, and I will show you that, once I recover. It shouldn't take so long this time.

Hello everyone, I'm back, and I'm as cynical as ever.

PS- I'm thankful for everyone that has been helping me through this. To those who actually know where I am coming from, who know how I feel, and who listened to me. The amount of support from your guys is so great, and my love for you all of you is infinite. Thank you so much. I promise I will listen better this time.
posted by Kat at 1:46 PM |

1 Comments:

At October 2, 2010 at 3:24 PM, Blogger chickinpit said........
like. LOL